Erik the Gutshrinker: TICK TICK TICK

Friday, October 23, 2009

TICK TICK TICK

With Halloween a week away, I am liking my chances.

Candy, pie, sweets, n' cakes and Holiday Dances

Are in your future, no weight loss for you.

That is, unless 10 pounds you pooh.

Which just won't take place, it's just too much

So I can taste, and almost touch

The Gloating, the glee, the taunting galore

That Whipcracker and House will soon adore

When Gutshrinker fails to shrink the gut

That got him into this great big rut.

Ha Ha Ha. Hee Hee Hee.

I can't wait to take your money!

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The Dealio....

The Goal:
Erik Gunnar Christensen, of current sound mind and body (sort of), herewith declares he will weigh no more than 190.00 pounds at any time on January 1, 2010, on a scale selected and calibrated by Summer Stepan Christensen.

The Parties:
Parties to this contract include Erik Christensen (herafter referred to as Gutshrinker), Summer Christensen (Whipcracker), and John Brasher (The House).

Obligations:
If The Goal is achieved:
The House - will provide to Gutshrinker, free and clear of all liens and encumbrances and in good operating order (new unopened with factory warranty) 8MB Ipod Touch or any item, gift certificate, credit, cash, or other commodity, gift or conveyance worth no less than $250.00 (two-hundred fifty) US to be selected at sole discretion of Gutshrinker (In Any case, The House will not exceed $250.00 US in award settlement). Such provision executed within 10 days.

Whipcracker - will provide to Gutshrinker a 4-hour shopping excursion (baby sitter paid for and provided at sole expense of Whipcracker-including picking up, dropping off, snack/food provision for children, education and/or training of said sitter, arranging for same and any other preparations and needs herein not stated nor yet perceived of) to any mercantile destination (real or virtual) wherein Whipcracker will provide adequate spending ability (free of all liens and encumbrances) of no less than $300.00 US. Whipcracker will do so in a happy, pleasing manner with no hint of fakery, irony, or any measure of condescension toward Gutshrinker, to be determined solely by Gutshrinker. Said provision provided within 30 days.

Gutshrinker - will accept said prizes from The House and Whipcracker with any and all attitude that Gutshrinker cares to exhibit, including, but not limited to, taunting, trash talking, chest beating, gloating, and/0r rapid upper body clothing removal accompanied by chest pounding and red-faced screaming in the public venue.

If the Goal is not Acheived:
Gutshrinker's debt to The House:
Gutshrinker will prompty forfeit (free of all liens and encumbrances) his personal 4GB 3rd Generation Ipod Nano with all accompanying accessories within 10 days.
Gutshrinker will also pay for (free of all liens and encumbrances) and provide (within 10 days) The House with an $80.00 gift certificate to Amazon.com (or similar mercantile organization) to be used at The House's discretion.
Additional Gutshrinker will be prohibited from purchasing any Ipod, mp3 player, or any similar audio device or service (real or virtual) until January 1, 2011.

Gutshrinker's Debt to Whipcracker:
Gutshrinker will allow Whipcracker to purchase and sundry household and/or personal items with varying degrees of usefulness, interest, or pleasure bringing ability to Gutshrinker. Such items will be purchased at Whipcracker's sole discretion and timing and will be limited to $300.00 US and must be purchased within 30 days. Gutshrinker may not complain, roll-eyes, gripe, moan, grunt, or issue any degree of dissatisfaction or discouragement with Whipcracker's choices and rights herein provided. Indeed, such is the case no matter how much Whipcracker may nag, nose-rub, gloat, "I told you sos," and/or remind of past indiscretions and pant sizes, etc. Gutshrinker must submit happily and peacefully to said provision.

In addition Gutshrinker will not purchase a single book (fiction or non, real or virtual (including audio), romance or action) until January 1, 2011.

All parties submit to this agreement and digitally hereby certify by the undertyped:

John Brasher (The House)
Erik Christensen (Gutshrinker)
Summer Christensen (Whipcracker)

Erik the Gutshrinker

Friday, October 23, 2009

TICK TICK TICK

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Erik's Picture

The Dealio....